breakfast

LONDON — What is it with the French? How do they manage to go through the day without passing out?

Now I am a staunch supporter of the concept of Europe, and I really believe that the people who voted for Brexit are the kin of Trump supporters — people who just “wanted to shake things up a bit but, oh wait, do you mean we are going to lose all these subsidies and life will be worse?’”

But there is one great divider between the Brits and the Euros — breakfast. Who decided that a “continental breakfast,” a croissant and a choice of 40 tiny bits of cheese, was enough to supply the energy needed to make it through a grueling workday.

A good full English breakfast is what is really needed. Lots of carbs, lots of fats, lots of gooey mingling of various delicious fluids — now that’s how to get your day going. And it has the added bonus of probably shortening your life, thus cutting down on the number of days you have to spend dealing with idiots. It’s a win-win situation if ever there was one.

During a recent trip to England we stopped off at a Polish café — because it was in Tooting in London, a diverse part of one of the most diverse cities in the world — for a full English breakfast. It starts with a pot of piping hot tea, which is best drunk with a splash of milk and some sugar, but to each his own.

What exactly constitutes a full English breakfast? Well, of course there are eggs, over easy preferably so the yolk can be popped and mixed in with the rest of the goodies on the plate. A couple of chunks of toasted sliced bread (we used to refer to them as door steps because they should really be sliced thick. Non-fats are taken care of with some fried mushrooms, a couple of the big ones, and some fried tomatoes. Add some potatoes (a pattie or chunks) and some baked beans to help lubricate the swallowing. Finally, the piece-de-resistance, the meat. A full English doesn’t force you to choose between sausage and bacon — you get both. And the bacon is not like the U.S. kind, it’s thick and almost hammy.

This is how to start the day. Give yourself an hour to eat and let it digest. No need for lunch, hell, no need for supper half the time. Now you are ready to walk around all day.

And that’s why the English had an Empire.

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